jennifer patel

I've shared this photo before. I used to see this picture as me, the really fat baby wearing some sort of weird vest. I've made fun of it countless times by comparing my size to my cousin's who is only one day older than me. I can't pinpoint the exact moment when I granted myself permission to finally wonder about my real Korean identity, instead of refiling the thoughts, but I can tell you where I found it...Facebook. There is a group of American Korean adoptees that formed a Facebook group where they chat about all things Korean adoptee. I found it by chance at the beginning of this year and have described it to my friends as the scene in Toy Story where Buzz Lightyear learns he is not a unique toy. He watches the commercial and sees there are thousands more just like him, waiting to be bought at the store. It was freeing...such a relief. I read the posts and, like when I read Nicole Chung's memoir, I was floored at the similar experiences we sh...

Originally started June 2019. It turns out you can stand at the threshold of a cracked door far longer than you might expect. As stated before, I am level expert at filing away unpleasant thoughts and old habits die hard, or not at all if you like the way things are. And I do. I have to credit the husband for being the first person to repeatedly challenge me on why I have never wanted to learn about my Korean identity. He is a first generation Indian and can switch effortlessly now between his Indian and American cultures. He can be proud of both identities. Of course he would wonder why I didn't want to learn about my Korean identity. He would send me articles or book recommendations written by other Korean adoptees. Each time, I kindly (and silently) dismissed them and kept on living my life. Before I returned to the next heritage camp with Alex, I prepared myself more thoroughly on what I might encounter and how I would handle it. No crying this time! (Yes I did and yes ...

Originally written February 2020 middle school? high school? does it even matter? #90s Like a majority of my peers, I took driver's ed the summer after I turned 15 to get my learner's permit. There was a boy from a nearby high school who had the same driving time as me. Sometimes we drove together in the same car, but more often we were told to drive to a common lunch spot by our driving coaches. His name was Ben...and he liked me. Ben was (is) Korean. Like, actually Korean. Like, his parents were (are) Korean and he was (is) his parents' child. At that point in my life I did not identify as Korean. I was surrounded by white all the time and physically looking Korean was a real inconvenience to my adolescent goals of blending in with the natives. There were many hours spent talking to Ben on the phone. He was a very kind soul. It makes perfect sense that when we finally got to the point where he wanted to go places and actually hang out instead of just talk...