The struggle
So it happened.
An 8th grade boy mumbled "suck my balls" when I asked (not told) him to get back in line in the hallway.
My first reaction was to laugh...because secretly I share the maturity of an 8th grade boy...but instead I took it as an opportunity to also say "suck my balls" and be over-dramatically loud in school.
Lose-Lose = Win? No.
(Not as in telling him to, but saying, "Did you just tell me to suck your balls?! That's sick, holmes!" I know rule #1 is to not humiliate a student in front of other students...but it was a rainy Friday and I couldn't even help myself.)
After only 3 quiet weeks at alternative school (it never stays quiet for long), things are starting to pick up and I'm dealing with my first "problem child."
He's an ass munch and a half and makes it near impossible to accomplish anything academic and definitely impossible to do anything procedural even though we do the same thing every.single.day.
But wait, you're not a teacher this year...
True, but I have subbed for the teachers while they have been out on mandatory trainings. I also sit in and help students (and teachers) during class. While I can't complain about leaving the building at 2:45 every afternoon with not a thought or task to take care of until the next day, I think it's apparent to my co workers and myself that I miss running the show. We'll see how long it take them to tell me to back off.
Back to ass munch.
He's terribly disrespectful and antagonistic and argumentative and disruptive and angry.
He's the kid that makes all of us roll our eyes and prepare ourselves for the multiple fights of the day, already exhausted, when we see him walk in the building.
But the truth is, like most kids who come to our school, his home life is the the worst and worse than most other students at our school. I don't know the full story of course...none of us do...but I've heard bits and pieces. I just can't imagine.
The food they serve the students at our school is less than desirable. I certainly would never eat it and of course the kids complain about it every day. The students know to put what they don't want to eat at the top of the table in front of them. We go around and re-distribute things to kids who forgot their lunch or try and pawn it off on each other so as not to waste food. (No hot lunch by the way...it's cold lunches...like sack lunches..."Prison serves better food than our school" it's been said and some of them would know...)
Ass munch is the only one who sits and eats everything out of his bag and then some more of what others don't want. He takes the entire lunch period to eat and we let him eat as long as he needs to in the AM even if he's late...even when he mumbles insults at us while we let him do this. We do this because we don't know if he gets to eat once he leaves school. I don't even know if he has a permanent home to go to.
I am polite and respectful to him [most] every time I speak to him even though he tries so hard to make me lose my cool. Even if he's in trouble, I stay calm when explaining why I'm enforcing consequences and always say good morning and have a good night no matter how the days go because I know he does not have good nights or good mornings more often than not. I know he's the target of his caretakers' bad moods and that he is treated the same way he treats the us, at home.
Even when he has the...well, balls...to ask me if I'm angry, when he's spent so much time trying to get me that way, I always smile and say, "I've watched my two-year-old throw tantrums fit for world records...you don't have enough time in the day..."
While smiling though, in my head, or course, I'm calling him an asshole and other things that don't need to be repeated. It's the only coping mechanism I have against being repeatedly attacked in that manner. You think bucking up and "showin' him who's boss" works with a kid like that? Try it and get back to me...
And the truth of the truth is that if I wasn't so busy being pissed at him all day, I would be crying for him. Like full out, the ugly cry thinking about how hard his life must really be if he acts like this around complete strangers who try to care about him. He's just a kid.
So he's not an ass munch at all...he's a sad, helpless, angry (and hungry) boy who sees few options and who is slowly turning from an individual into a statistic. I'm one of many witnesses watching him slip away and while I've only known him a few weeks, his behavior is a screaming alarm for help...he just doesn't know it...
And I don't know how to help him.
I try to find moments where he says something that is almost appropriately funny to laugh at. He really likes basketball, so I try to talk to him about that and learn from him. I try to make him laugh by quoting some rap song and being ridiculous and too old to throw out a dance move. Yes, I've started listening to 97.9 again to stay current. It's amazing how a student will change their entire attitude if you can distract by nonchalantly throwing out one rap verse from a popular jam...even if used in the wrong context... eg: "I know you guys are going to follow the rules right now, not like 2 Chainz last night..." It reinforces to them that I am old, out of touch, and nonthreatening and they feel sorry for me. "Oh miss...no."
Basically, I am kind to him despite how terribly he treats us. I get that we can't take it personally (even though that's what people suggest who take things personally)...
He will show he's human every now and again with a smile, or a thank you and I'll take it because if you blink, that moment is gone and he's back to acting like a monster.
Even though I take no actual work home, I've been taking him home in my mind brainstorming every night how I can go in the next day and make things better. How I can show caring but demonstrate boundaries. How I can try new strategies to make it easier for him to make it through the day. How even though I know I will see nothing, I hope someday he can turn it around before it's too late.
There will be more students just as challenging as the year goes by and I will go through this with each one. Does this mean I care even though it's easier not to care? That is the struggle.
An 8th grade boy mumbled "suck my balls" when I asked (not told) him to get back in line in the hallway.
My first reaction was to laugh...because secretly I share the maturity of an 8th grade boy...but instead I took it as an opportunity to also say "suck my balls" and be over-dramatically loud in school.
Lose-Lose = Win? No.
(Not as in telling him to, but saying, "Did you just tell me to suck your balls?! That's sick, holmes!" I know rule #1 is to not humiliate a student in front of other students...but it was a rainy Friday and I couldn't even help myself.)
After only 3 quiet weeks at alternative school (it never stays quiet for long), things are starting to pick up and I'm dealing with my first "problem child."
He's an ass munch and a half and makes it near impossible to accomplish anything academic and definitely impossible to do anything procedural even though we do the same thing every.single.day.
But wait, you're not a teacher this year...
True, but I have subbed for the teachers while they have been out on mandatory trainings. I also sit in and help students (and teachers) during class. While I can't complain about leaving the building at 2:45 every afternoon with not a thought or task to take care of until the next day, I think it's apparent to my co workers and myself that I miss running the show. We'll see how long it take them to tell me to back off.
Back to ass munch.
He's terribly disrespectful and antagonistic and argumentative and disruptive and angry.
He's the kid that makes all of us roll our eyes and prepare ourselves for the multiple fights of the day, already exhausted, when we see him walk in the building.
But the truth is, like most kids who come to our school, his home life is the the worst and worse than most other students at our school. I don't know the full story of course...none of us do...but I've heard bits and pieces. I just can't imagine.
The food they serve the students at our school is less than desirable. I certainly would never eat it and of course the kids complain about it every day. The students know to put what they don't want to eat at the top of the table in front of them. We go around and re-distribute things to kids who forgot their lunch or try and pawn it off on each other so as not to waste food. (No hot lunch by the way...it's cold lunches...like sack lunches..."Prison serves better food than our school" it's been said and some of them would know...)
Ass munch is the only one who sits and eats everything out of his bag and then some more of what others don't want. He takes the entire lunch period to eat and we let him eat as long as he needs to in the AM even if he's late...even when he mumbles insults at us while we let him do this. We do this because we don't know if he gets to eat once he leaves school. I don't even know if he has a permanent home to go to.
I am polite and respectful to him [most] every time I speak to him even though he tries so hard to make me lose my cool. Even if he's in trouble, I stay calm when explaining why I'm enforcing consequences and always say good morning and have a good night no matter how the days go because I know he does not have good nights or good mornings more often than not. I know he's the target of his caretakers' bad moods and that he is treated the same way he treats the us, at home.
Even when he has the...well, balls...to ask me if I'm angry, when he's spent so much time trying to get me that way, I always smile and say, "I've watched my two-year-old throw tantrums fit for world records...you don't have enough time in the day..."
While smiling though, in my head, or course, I'm calling him an asshole and other things that don't need to be repeated. It's the only coping mechanism I have against being repeatedly attacked in that manner. You think bucking up and "showin' him who's boss" works with a kid like that? Try it and get back to me...
And the truth of the truth is that if I wasn't so busy being pissed at him all day, I would be crying for him. Like full out, the ugly cry thinking about how hard his life must really be if he acts like this around complete strangers who try to care about him. He's just a kid.
So he's not an ass munch at all...he's a sad, helpless, angry (and hungry) boy who sees few options and who is slowly turning from an individual into a statistic. I'm one of many witnesses watching him slip away and while I've only known him a few weeks, his behavior is a screaming alarm for help...he just doesn't know it...
And I don't know how to help him.
I try to find moments where he says something that is almost appropriately funny to laugh at. He really likes basketball, so I try to talk to him about that and learn from him. I try to make him laugh by quoting some rap song and being ridiculous and too old to throw out a dance move. Yes, I've started listening to 97.9 again to stay current. It's amazing how a student will change their entire attitude if you can distract by nonchalantly throwing out one rap verse from a popular jam...even if used in the wrong context... eg: "I know you guys are going to follow the rules right now, not like 2 Chainz last night..." It reinforces to them that I am old, out of touch, and nonthreatening and they feel sorry for me. "Oh miss...no."
Basically, I am kind to him despite how terribly he treats us. I get that we can't take it personally (even though that's what people suggest who take things personally)...
He will show he's human every now and again with a smile, or a thank you and I'll take it because if you blink, that moment is gone and he's back to acting like a monster.
Even though I take no actual work home, I've been taking him home in my mind brainstorming every night how I can go in the next day and make things better. How I can show caring but demonstrate boundaries. How I can try new strategies to make it easier for him to make it through the day. How even though I know I will see nothing, I hope someday he can turn it around before it's too late.
There will be more students just as challenging as the year goes by and I will go through this with each one. Does this mean I care even though it's easier not to care? That is the struggle.
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