I'm thankful
On a recent night at Target, it was a rare trip alone for me...sans two-year-old. As I was savoring walking up and down the aisles being able to actually look at stuff, I did the last of my impulse buying and headed to the front check out.
I was walking behind a group of young, stylish, barely 20-ish? year olds who were spending a night of their free life at Target...just because they could.
They were talking and laughing about how they always act rich at Target, thinking they can buy whatever they want, even though they know they can't afford it. They were debating whether they really needed nail polish and all the other stuff they had. Then one of the girls started singing "We'll never be royals..." (a Lorde song) and they all laughed.
I also laughed.
Their laughter stopped as they turned around to look at me.
Other than this being classic me and one of many reasons I can't make new friends, I envied these girls for a minute, thinking of how easy their lives are right now as single and childless (I think) young women who can look beautiful all the time because they can spend all their money and put all of their time into themselves.
But I know that's ridiculous.
I've been cursed with an above average amount of empathy and as an extremely empathetic person (and one who sometimes stares too longingly at or back at "the greener side"), I understand that every age and every stage of life is hard. It's just that when the hard stuff is in the past, it seems like it was easier than it was with the more time that passes. It's a seemingly better place to live in because you've been there, done that.
This is the number one reason why when mothers of grown children patronize my child rearing horror stories and say, "That's easy; Just wait until things actually get hard..." it doesn't bother me in the least. They forgot.
V and I are constantly working on living in the moment(s) with our family.
Like all of our successful friends, we are very good at setting goals and accomplishing. It's easy to get wrapped up in moving forward and working toward the next milestone and forget to enjoy the stuff in between...really stay present.
When we used to live in the hood, I would take runs through Highland Park to the Katy Trail. Highland Park's streets are lined with really old, beautiful trees. They made summer runs feel 10 degrees cooler. I should have gone out to take a picture of how pretty they look right now in our December Fall...orange, red, yellow...it's awesome.
When I run, I never listen to music because I read stories of girls being attacked in their unaware state. Since I wore a pony tail, I was already at risk of being taken down by the mane, so I decided to stay extra alert just in case. Since I had no music, I remember telling Ryan G. how blessed I was in life. I would scroll through all the things I had to be thankful for and all the things I wanted to work on to be a better human being. With the inspiration of natural beauty and the rush of endorphins, nothing seemed bad after a run; I had the most awesome and amazing life to be thankful for.
I am not a runner anymore, but still have to find the moments...walking Alex to the park in the stroller...sitting in a chair by the potty while Alex "tries" and singing songs or reading books (don't ask)...driving to work in silence at 6 AM...sitting on the couch with V in the evenings, exhausted, flipping channels and falling asleep...hearing "Ba!" (Mom) from the other room...putting away a basket full of tiny clothes...
Most recently...kicking off the holiday season with Thanksgiving at our house.
I remember a time when I was a childless woman with nothing but time and wanting so badly for our Korean baby to hurry up and come to us! While we were starting application processes, being fingerprinted, interviewed, analyzed, and trying to hide all of our crazy, our baby boy wasn't even born yet. Sometime in nights spent at Target roaming up and down the aisles, and the shopping trips on a Wednesday night, and weekends away, God decided that Alex was ours. And we knew, that despite all the fun we were having, we were lacking and we were ready to be parents (as ready as a non parent can be to become a parent).
As the holiday season swings into full gear, it truly is a magical time...
But we will continue to try to stop and be thankful year round for the many blessings we have.
(Which is why on January 1st, I am starting Day 1: of thankfulness on Facebook that will run through Day 365...)
I was walking behind a group of young, stylish, barely 20-ish? year olds who were spending a night of their free life at Target...just because they could.
They were talking and laughing about how they always act rich at Target, thinking they can buy whatever they want, even though they know they can't afford it. They were debating whether they really needed nail polish and all the other stuff they had. Then one of the girls started singing "We'll never be royals..." (a Lorde song) and they all laughed.
I also laughed.
Their laughter stopped as they turned around to look at me.
* * *
Other than this being classic me and one of many reasons I can't make new friends, I envied these girls for a minute, thinking of how easy their lives are right now as single and childless (I think) young women who can look beautiful all the time because they can spend all their money and put all of their time into themselves.
But I know that's ridiculous.
I've been cursed with an above average amount of empathy and as an extremely empathetic person (and one who sometimes stares too longingly at or back at "the greener side"), I understand that every age and every stage of life is hard. It's just that when the hard stuff is in the past, it seems like it was easier than it was with the more time that passes. It's a seemingly better place to live in because you've been there, done that.
This is the number one reason why when mothers of grown children patronize my child rearing horror stories and say, "That's easy; Just wait until things actually get hard..." it doesn't bother me in the least. They forgot.
V and I are constantly working on living in the moment(s) with our family.
Like all of our successful friends, we are very good at setting goals and accomplishing. It's easy to get wrapped up in moving forward and working toward the next milestone and forget to enjoy the stuff in between...really stay present.
When we used to live in the hood, I would take runs through Highland Park to the Katy Trail. Highland Park's streets are lined with really old, beautiful trees. They made summer runs feel 10 degrees cooler. I should have gone out to take a picture of how pretty they look right now in our December Fall...orange, red, yellow...it's awesome.
 |
| Mockingbird Lane out of the hood across Inwood...over the Tollway...left on Armstrong...all the way to the Katy Trail... |
When I run, I never listen to music because I read stories of girls being attacked in their unaware state. Since I wore a pony tail, I was already at risk of being taken down by the mane, so I decided to stay extra alert just in case. Since I had no music, I remember telling Ryan G. how blessed I was in life. I would scroll through all the things I had to be thankful for and all the things I wanted to work on to be a better human being. With the inspiration of natural beauty and the rush of endorphins, nothing seemed bad after a run; I had the most awesome and amazing life to be thankful for.
I am not a runner anymore, but still have to find the moments...walking Alex to the park in the stroller...sitting in a chair by the potty while Alex "tries" and singing songs or reading books (don't ask)...driving to work in silence at 6 AM...sitting on the couch with V in the evenings, exhausted, flipping channels and falling asleep...hearing "Ba!" (Mom) from the other room...putting away a basket full of tiny clothes...
Most recently...kicking off the holiday season with Thanksgiving at our house.
I remember a time when I was a childless woman with nothing but time and wanting so badly for our Korean baby to hurry up and come to us! While we were starting application processes, being fingerprinted, interviewed, analyzed, and trying to hide all of our crazy, our baby boy wasn't even born yet. Sometime in nights spent at Target roaming up and down the aisles, and the shopping trips on a Wednesday night, and weekends away, God decided that Alex was ours. And we knew, that despite all the fun we were having, we were lacking and we were ready to be parents (as ready as a non parent can be to become a parent).
As the holiday season swings into full gear, it truly is a magical time...
 |
| don't judge our leaning tree...it's a miracle it is up before a week before Christmas |
But we will continue to try to stop and be thankful year round for the many blessings we have.
(Which is why on January 1st, I am starting Day 1: of thankfulness on Facebook that will run through Day 365...)
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