Trauma to perserverance?
This summer, I got the recommendation to sign Alex up for swim lessons with my district's swim coach. She runs a summer lesson program out of her backyard and takes kids of all ages, Alex being old enough to be in class without me in the water with him this year.
My friend said she was tough, but good and that both of her girls were swimming through her program.
Most city run programs are Red Cross Water Safety Instructed. I began teaching the program as a high school swim team member at 15 all the way through college. It's a leveled system where the child is encouraged, but ultimately decides the pace of their movement up the levels. If a child was scared or cried, they would be encouraged, but not made to do whatever it was they didn't want to do. When I looked into Coach W's program, it was not WSI, but all teachers were CPR certified.
We showed up on the first day of class ready to go and due to rain the days before, I knew it was going to be freezing. Water has a high specific heat capacity so even though it begins to get into the 90s in early June, the water takes weeks of those temperatures to warm up. (boom...Science.)
Day 1
Alex stood with 4 other kids shivering and turning blue as they waited for instruction.
Now this is going to sound judgy because I have taught swim lessons for a decade in the past, but there was no easing into anything...it was dunk the kids in, tell them to kick, and pass them off in a relay of teachers to the other side. How do you say in your country?...baptism by fire?
Every.single.kid, except Alex, started screaming and crying after the first run. I think the only reason Alex didn't scream at first is because he was choking to death on water. Classes were 45 minutes and it took Alex 20 minutes and 3 runs to begin screaming and crying just like everyone else.
All the mothers sat there helplessly and watched each other to see who would go rescue their child first. As if the coach and teachers sensed our dilemma, they began telling the kids they were fine and to stop crying which created a silent challenge for any of the moms to say anything.
Alex was a mess. He kicked when they held him, but when they sent him to the next person, he just floated on the water lifting his hands out, panicked, and trying to breathe through gills he didn't have.
After calling to me and not getting the life preserver, he started calling out for Daddy.
It was the longest 45 minutes of my entire life.
At the end of class, they got a Dum Dum which seemed to be all Alex needed to forget the trauma. When I asked him on the way home if swimming was fun, he said yes!
We glossed over the details to Dad that night. I said it was tough, but he did okay. V would have pulled him upon screaming, immediately. No more swim lessons. The end.
Day 2
We talked about being brave the entire drive over. I talked up the heat and how good the water would feel, and the toys they would get to play with, and most of all- the Dum Dum at the end. Alex was happy and seemed on board.
Before he even got in, he told the teacher "I don't want to" and burst into tears. She pulled him in anyway and so began day 2. He and the girl in his class cried and screamed on and off the entire class. I did go up to him to tell him I was so proud of him for trying so hard (against his will) and reminded him to be brave. I told him I had to make a phone call and would watch him from inside the house, then shamefully and filled with guilt hid out in Coach W's den until class was over. He did stop crying when I was inside, but replaced it by looking pathetically abandoned at the other moms.
He asked for two Dum Dums at the end of class, but was okay with just one.
Day 3
We made a commitment to swim lessons, don't you want to teach your son follow though and not to give up? But he's only 3, does he really understand that? I don't want to traumatize him (more) or add swimming to the list of issues he will bring to his future therapist. Why do you know nothing about child development? The Dum Dum seems to fix everything, raise a resilient child! Oh my god, I hope it rains and storms so lessons are cancelled.
This and a lot more was part of a running conversation with myself all afternoon before class. I wanted to quit.
Lessons were not cancelled due to rain, so we went. I was even late on purpose to help a kid out.
With another lengthy encouragement speech under his belt, he began to cry again. I went over and hugged him and said if he couldn't stop crying and yelling mommy, his teacher would ask me to go inside the house. I asked him if he wanted me to watch from the house or outside. He chose outside and did not cry the rest of class.
There was much celebration after class.
And a trip to Kroger to push the cart. How long will it take Kroger to realize this is a horrible idea?
It should be noted at this point also, that the teachers were kind and did accommodate Alex's complete lack of skills while upholding their expectations.
Day 4
No crying. Still choking, but no crying.
Video I
Video II
He was happier and laughing during lessons.
We missed the last 4 days because of other plans and then he caught a small summer cold from the kids at school.
So he did not go through ALL of it, but we ended on a high note.
Would I have done things the same way? Absolutely not, but I feel like we both accomplished something from the experience.
Until this one comes back to haunt me...
My friend said she was tough, but good and that both of her girls were swimming through her program.
Most city run programs are Red Cross Water Safety Instructed. I began teaching the program as a high school swim team member at 15 all the way through college. It's a leveled system where the child is encouraged, but ultimately decides the pace of their movement up the levels. If a child was scared or cried, they would be encouraged, but not made to do whatever it was they didn't want to do. When I looked into Coach W's program, it was not WSI, but all teachers were CPR certified.
We showed up on the first day of class ready to go and due to rain the days before, I knew it was going to be freezing. Water has a high specific heat capacity so even though it begins to get into the 90s in early June, the water takes weeks of those temperatures to warm up. (boom...Science.)
Day 1
Alex stood with 4 other kids shivering and turning blue as they waited for instruction.
Now this is going to sound judgy because I have taught swim lessons for a decade in the past, but there was no easing into anything...it was dunk the kids in, tell them to kick, and pass them off in a relay of teachers to the other side. How do you say in your country?...baptism by fire?
Every.single.kid, except Alex, started screaming and crying after the first run. I think the only reason Alex didn't scream at first is because he was choking to death on water. Classes were 45 minutes and it took Alex 20 minutes and 3 runs to begin screaming and crying just like everyone else.
All the mothers sat there helplessly and watched each other to see who would go rescue their child first. As if the coach and teachers sensed our dilemma, they began telling the kids they were fine and to stop crying which created a silent challenge for any of the moms to say anything.
Alex was a mess. He kicked when they held him, but when they sent him to the next person, he just floated on the water lifting his hands out, panicked, and trying to breathe through gills he didn't have.
After calling to me and not getting the life preserver, he started calling out for Daddy.
It was the longest 45 minutes of my entire life.
At the end of class, they got a Dum Dum which seemed to be all Alex needed to forget the trauma. When I asked him on the way home if swimming was fun, he said yes!
We glossed over the details to Dad that night. I said it was tough, but he did okay. V would have pulled him upon screaming, immediately. No more swim lessons. The end.
Day 2
We talked about being brave the entire drive over. I talked up the heat and how good the water would feel, and the toys they would get to play with, and most of all- the Dum Dum at the end. Alex was happy and seemed on board.
Before he even got in, he told the teacher "I don't want to" and burst into tears. She pulled him in anyway and so began day 2. He and the girl in his class cried and screamed on and off the entire class. I did go up to him to tell him I was so proud of him for trying so hard (against his will) and reminded him to be brave. I told him I had to make a phone call and would watch him from inside the house, then shamefully and filled with guilt hid out in Coach W's den until class was over. He did stop crying when I was inside, but replaced it by looking pathetically abandoned at the other moms.
He asked for two Dum Dums at the end of class, but was okay with just one.
Day 3
We made a commitment to swim lessons, don't you want to teach your son follow though and not to give up? But he's only 3, does he really understand that? I don't want to traumatize him (more) or add swimming to the list of issues he will bring to his future therapist. Why do you know nothing about child development? The Dum Dum seems to fix everything, raise a resilient child! Oh my god, I hope it rains and storms so lessons are cancelled.
This and a lot more was part of a running conversation with myself all afternoon before class. I wanted to quit.
Lessons were not cancelled due to rain, so we went. I was even late on purpose to help a kid out.
With another lengthy encouragement speech under his belt, he began to cry again. I went over and hugged him and said if he couldn't stop crying and yelling mommy, his teacher would ask me to go inside the house. I asked him if he wanted me to watch from the house or outside. He chose outside and did not cry the rest of class.
There was much celebration after class.
And a trip to Kroger to push the cart. How long will it take Kroger to realize this is a horrible idea?
 |
| watch your heels...Asian driver! Also don't judge what's in the basket...we were making something for a pot luck. |
It should be noted at this point also, that the teachers were kind and did accommodate Alex's complete lack of skills while upholding their expectations.
Day 4
No crying. Still choking, but no crying.
Video I
Video II
He was happier and laughing during lessons.
We missed the last 4 days because of other plans and then he caught a small summer cold from the kids at school.
So he did not go through ALL of it, but we ended on a high note.
Would I have done things the same way? Absolutely not, but I feel like we both accomplished something from the experience.
Until this one comes back to haunt me...
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