I drank the Kool-Aid...hard!
It's been hard finding a solid chunk of time to sit down and focus! Not to mention a war at work has left me hardly inspired, but I'll be talking about that...never. My Dad had this calendar called the Jackass calendar. The months were different "ass sayings" like, "Get your ass out of bed!" and there was a picture of a donkey standing in a bed frame. "Hauling ass" had a donkey on a wagon-trailer-thing all packed up. All the pictures had a donkey doing something to illustrate the quip. He loved that calendar so much, he just printed out new months and taped them over the original dates every new year.
Anyway, I'll never be talking about work, because I could never do it in a professional manner once I break the seal...cut to ass saying, "They canned my ass"...and a picture of a store shelf display of canned donkey.
I couldn't find the picture I was looking for. My search containing the word "ass" though...well never mind. It was unsuccessful.
While I hate most of everything happening at work, I don't want to be fired (even though I've been heard saying, "I don't care if I get fired" many times).
One positive thing that has resulted from the eternal damnation I am destined to for the rest of the year at work (It's really not that bad, because I have grade A+ defense mechanisms...I just like dramatics)...is the discovery of Tina Payne Bryson.
I saw Bryson speak at one of my district trainings this summer. Since I am a degree holder in the soft, soft science of Psychology, she held me captive with her experiment findings and stories. She was verbose, as I would expect any research Psychologist to be, but her stories were relevant and entertaining. As someone who tends to fall asleep in a dimly-lit auditorium after lunch in the summer when I haven't used my brain in a month, I was totally geeking out.
That woman was on. She is me, if I had been motivated to go on 7 additional years after completion of college.
I know I was supposed to be learning all these great strategies to help my "at risk" population of students for this year, but instead, took away some really good, new parenting perspectives. And if you try to be a good parent, it naturally runs into good teaching right? The logistics are similar.
I didn't read her book before the training. Admittedly, I didn't even know what the training was going to be about. My principal said, sign up before the end of school, and I needed comp days, so I did. I have since read her book cover to cover and re-read parts of it 3, 4, and 5 times.
V and I had to read a dozen books during our wait for Alex on parenting. We learned how to parent the adopted child, the detached child, the hurting child, the traumatized child, etc...
I read Love and Logic and countless articles.
All that information was good to store. Maybe I was just ready to be receptive, but Bryson's (and Siegel's) book got me excited and confident to try and be a different parent. I know I was always looking to be a better parent, but it can become information overload. Bryson's book gives specific strategies you can begin to practice, based on the latest brain research, to make you a calmer teacher. The idea is that discipline means "teach". She reminded me that Alex is just a little guy who really doesn't understand certain things, like why he can't just take something out of someone's hand because he is interested. My job as his Mom is to teach him to be a productive, kind, empathetic member of society...NOT say "No, we don't do that...that's not nice!" and then make him share. V and I are his first teachers.
My job doesn't help. I sometimes work with the most disrespectful, low self-esteemed children possible. Their parents are terrible parents and some of the things Alex does gives me PTSD to something a student has done and I think, oh hell no, not my son! Maybe Alex unfairly gets the frustration I can't see through my for students.
...
The best part of the book are these sections at the end of each chapter called "Integrating ourselves". They allow you to reflect on your own thoughts and actions dealing with the specific strategies. They help you find the dysfunction you carry with you (I carry a lot...), bring it to awareness, and not let it take over in heat of the moment.
Example:
Alex did not want to walk upstairs one night to take a bath. By bath time, tensions are running high and meltdown opportunities increase significantly. He parked himself at the bottom of the stairs and refused to come up. I had the choice, to get really frustrated and try to be "patient" all the while thinking about how defiant he was being and count down the invisible time before I went down and carried his unwilling, dead weight upstairs and "made him". Knowing he was exhausted, I said, "Oh, no. Are you stuck in your web, spider? Let me pull you up. Throw me your web..."
It was instant turn around. He smiled, and then I pretended like I was pulling him upstairs.
Win/Win.
I'm not saying stuff like that will always work because, from experience, it hasn't, but it's a good first thing to try to diffuse both of our bad moods about what is happening.
I have been able to practice each strategy as an adult, thereby making me better at teaching Alex how to start controlling his own thoughts and feelings. Consistent practice has given me better habits.
There of course have been things she has said, that I don't fully agree with and do differently, but that's a good thing. I believe parenting is [realistically] learning everything you can and using what works for your family to create a living situation you can handle...and even love. I want to know I did my best to teach Alex how to be the best person he can in his relationships, while feeling loved by us and confident in his abilities and resilient in his hard times and failures.
The book is based on empathy, respect, and making things right when you mess up...all things I love.
I'm working on the second book
I've emailed Bryson twice through her website, expecting to get a form letter response from an editor or assistant, but she took the time to personally email me back both times.
Does this make me a fangirl? I feel like we're friends.
Creepy...
Anyway, I'll never be talking about work, because I could never do it in a professional manner once I break the seal...cut to ass saying, "They canned my ass"...and a picture of a store shelf display of canned donkey.
I couldn't find the picture I was looking for. My search containing the word "ass" though...well never mind. It was unsuccessful.
While I hate most of everything happening at work, I don't want to be fired (even though I've been heard saying, "I don't care if I get fired" many times).
One positive thing that has resulted from the eternal damnation I am destined to for the rest of the year at work (It's really not that bad, because I have grade A+ defense mechanisms...I just like dramatics)...is the discovery of Tina Payne Bryson.
I saw Bryson speak at one of my district trainings this summer. Since I am a degree holder in the soft, soft science of Psychology, she held me captive with her experiment findings and stories. She was verbose, as I would expect any research Psychologist to be, but her stories were relevant and entertaining. As someone who tends to fall asleep in a dimly-lit auditorium after lunch in the summer when I haven't used my brain in a month, I was totally geeking out.
That woman was on. She is me, if I had been motivated to go on 7 additional years after completion of college.
I know I was supposed to be learning all these great strategies to help my "at risk" population of students for this year, but instead, took away some really good, new parenting perspectives. And if you try to be a good parent, it naturally runs into good teaching right? The logistics are similar.
I didn't read her book before the training. Admittedly, I didn't even know what the training was going to be about. My principal said, sign up before the end of school, and I needed comp days, so I did. I have since read her book cover to cover and re-read parts of it 3, 4, and 5 times.
V and I had to read a dozen books during our wait for Alex on parenting. We learned how to parent the adopted child, the detached child, the hurting child, the traumatized child, etc...
I read Love and Logic and countless articles.
All that information was good to store. Maybe I was just ready to be receptive, but Bryson's (and Siegel's) book got me excited and confident to try and be a different parent. I know I was always looking to be a better parent, but it can become information overload. Bryson's book gives specific strategies you can begin to practice, based on the latest brain research, to make you a calmer teacher. The idea is that discipline means "teach". She reminded me that Alex is just a little guy who really doesn't understand certain things, like why he can't just take something out of someone's hand because he is interested. My job as his Mom is to teach him to be a productive, kind, empathetic member of society...NOT say "No, we don't do that...that's not nice!" and then make him share. V and I are his first teachers.
My job doesn't help. I sometimes work with the most disrespectful, low self-esteemed children possible. Their parents are terrible parents and some of the things Alex does gives me PTSD to something a student has done and I think, oh hell no, not my son! Maybe Alex unfairly gets the frustration I can't see through my for students.
...
The best part of the book are these sections at the end of each chapter called "Integrating ourselves". They allow you to reflect on your own thoughts and actions dealing with the specific strategies. They help you find the dysfunction you carry with you (I carry a lot...), bring it to awareness, and not let it take over in heat of the moment.
Example:
Alex did not want to walk upstairs one night to take a bath. By bath time, tensions are running high and meltdown opportunities increase significantly. He parked himself at the bottom of the stairs and refused to come up. I had the choice, to get really frustrated and try to be "patient" all the while thinking about how defiant he was being and count down the invisible time before I went down and carried his unwilling, dead weight upstairs and "made him". Knowing he was exhausted, I said, "Oh, no. Are you stuck in your web, spider? Let me pull you up. Throw me your web..."
It was instant turn around. He smiled, and then I pretended like I was pulling him upstairs.
Win/Win.
I'm not saying stuff like that will always work because, from experience, it hasn't, but it's a good first thing to try to diffuse both of our bad moods about what is happening.
I have been able to practice each strategy as an adult, thereby making me better at teaching Alex how to start controlling his own thoughts and feelings. Consistent practice has given me better habits.
There of course have been things she has said, that I don't fully agree with and do differently, but that's a good thing. I believe parenting is [realistically] learning everything you can and using what works for your family to create a living situation you can handle...and even love. I want to know I did my best to teach Alex how to be the best person he can in his relationships, while feeling loved by us and confident in his abilities and resilient in his hard times and failures.
The book is based on empathy, respect, and making things right when you mess up...all things I love.
I'm working on the second book
It's a little more gimmicky so far, but I have faith I will get something useful out of it.
Does this make me a fangirl? I feel like we're friends.
Creepy...
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