FAQs

I don't know my enneagram number. 

Do you call it your number? Or would I say I don't know my enneagram?

If I get into something, I want to do it right. I can't rely on random internet quizzes...what's the best source? Who invented enneagrams? I'm definitely not paying for anything. I want to know everything! 
I checked out a book from the library about enneagrams. I did. True story. I wanted it all explained and for my number to be the most accurate number it could be. 

I wanted to believe.

But, I never read the book. Just like everything I think "I'm going to start..." it was returned and forgotten.

This is not about enneagrams, but I feel like if I knew mine, it would help in this post...to set the stage...to illustrate my persona. 

<insert shoulder shrug emoji> 

Like most things though, this is about me. 

How I am naturally introverted and deeply shy when meeting people for the first times. I don't always come off this way at first because I have a working rolodex of tried and true conversational contributions? (aka small talk. gross.). But when they're gone, they're gone and I'm quiet. Soooooo quiet. 

So what this is actually about: 

No one could have prepared me for twin celebrity.

one month old

I mean look at them. They're adorable. But I'm biased and all babies are adorable.
Strangers love to talk to babies and to parents about their babies. But strangers REALLY love to talk to two babies and to me about two babies. 
The problem is, I am not the mom you go home to your friends and say, "I met the nicest mom at the store today. She was so funny and said all of these interesting things that I am going to tell you right now..."
If anything, it would be more like, "There was this Asian lady today at the store with twins. They were cute, but she was odd..."

Girls, I'm sorry I couldn't build you a better ship. 

I am not quick on my feet in the moment and people ask and say a lot of things that, frankly, I cannot begin to engage with...
I usually smile, and answer with yes or no, say thank you and tell the girls, "Say Bye!" M will attempt the cutest wave you've ever seen in your life and R will stare at you, wide-eyed like if she stays perfectly still, you can't see her. Then we (I) act like we're in a hurry and move on. 
Sometimes we're stuck though, in a line or have to interact with an employee. 

I've compiled my FAQs (and comments) in the order they're generally asked/said.

Q: Are they twins?
A: I try not to be smart with strangers, but I am annoying and dress them either 1. the same or 2. complimentary. Aside from being dressed the same or similar, they also look...the same. Yes. They are twins.

Q: Are they identical? Or how do you tell them apart?
A: Yes and we don't. Fine. I point out M's face birthmarks. This is a crowd favorite. They feel like they've really learned something special.

Then it's always:

Q: They're both boys? or Are they boys or girls? (most of their clothes are pink)
Q: How old are they?
Q: What are their names?

Q: You must be so busy, how do you do it?
A: I don't. I just got my car back today from a wreck I got myself and ALL 4 children in back on the third day of December. (small fender bender (at 9 AM on a Saturday), thankfully everyone was fine). We drove a rental for 60 days. It was a sobering wake up call that I wasn't getting enough sleep...which duh...but like, really not enough. My house is a disaster, there are items on my to-do list from last summer, I wash my hair every 8-10 days (not a brag...it's gross), I can't sit still for more than 10 minutes or I'll fall asleep, I still don't drink coffee (idiot!), and on and on forever and always.
The truth is, it's just the season. I cannot do it all. Once admitted, it felt easier to exist. We still try to do the same things we always did, but it just comes with a much greater opportunity cost. 
(I don't say any of this).

Q: Do twins run in your families?
A: Oh dear, baby Jesus...queue up mental trip to adoption purgatory...
"No."

Q: How did you carry those big babies?
A: Oh dear, baby Jesus...queue up mental trip to infertility purgatory
*awkward laugh

Then the comments,,,yes, they have all been said...

* Well it's just such a blessing... (true!)
* Just wait until they're walking and talking... 
* I wanted twins so badly until my friend had them and then...*cringes
* You did a great job losing all the weight (ha!)
* Get some sleep, you look like you could use it! (it's not a lie)

And the winning [one-sided] conversation with the lady registering z for basketball:

"There's so many twins these days...but they're not real twins...it's done with all the science and chemicals and stuff. But not you...you just carried these sweet babies into this world the natural way..."

That was a fun day.

Don't feel bad if you've asked me or thought about asking me any of these questions. I really don't mind and honestly, if I were two people, I would have asked myself at least half of them...
I only wanted to illustrate the increase in being spoken to in public and how I'm just...really rocking it...

I swear I'm not an asshole.