Forever Day, V
I get to write about my second baby's 100 days and my first baby's forever day around the same time.
After writing Z's 100 Days post, I re-read Alex's first 100 Days (with us) post. I felt heartsick that they were the exact opposite experiences.
It's not surprising I had a really hard time when Alex got here. I thought the challenges of parenting a new toddler would be immense, but quickly rewarding.
What actually happened was Alex got here, through no choice of his own, completely foreign to everything and everyone. He was alone with everything familiar to him gone. Instantly. A 19 month old cannot prepare for goodbyes. He cannot know to cherish the time he has left with the only family he has ever known before he is taken from them. You cannot explain to him what is happening and why.
Once forever homed, Alex didn't seem to care if we were there, or not, for months. We cared for him and he relied on us for the basic necessities, but every time he looked at us, he seemed to be measuring how much more time he would be with us until his foster family came to pick him up. In public places like parks or museums, he would just take off. He never looked back, he never checked in. In his mind, he was on his own.
You could be the most empathetic person on Earth and that would still break your heart as you fought to figure out how to help him and not take it personally at the same time.
Thinking of all of this still brings tears to this day. What a truly traumatic experience for a baby so young.
As we celebrate our 5th Forever Day, I thank him.
I think back on the past 5 years and feel amazed and a great admiration for who he has become.
He made me get my sh-t together and parent up. I did a terrible job that first half a year and he hung with me as we figured it out together. He made me earn his trust and prove to myself that I could get over my own hangups. He demanded that vulnerability be a two way street as I was forced to let my guard down too, if I were to expect it from him.
I love our struggle. I love who we have become. I love who he will become independent of me.
He is strong.
He is resilient.
He made me a mother.
He is forever ours.
We are forever his.
After writing Z's 100 Days post, I re-read Alex's first 100 Days (with us) post. I felt heartsick that they were the exact opposite experiences.
It's not surprising I had a really hard time when Alex got here. I thought the challenges of parenting a new toddler would be immense, but quickly rewarding.
What actually happened was Alex got here, through no choice of his own, completely foreign to everything and everyone. He was alone with everything familiar to him gone. Instantly. A 19 month old cannot prepare for goodbyes. He cannot know to cherish the time he has left with the only family he has ever known before he is taken from them. You cannot explain to him what is happening and why.
Once forever homed, Alex didn't seem to care if we were there, or not, for months. We cared for him and he relied on us for the basic necessities, but every time he looked at us, he seemed to be measuring how much more time he would be with us until his foster family came to pick him up. In public places like parks or museums, he would just take off. He never looked back, he never checked in. In his mind, he was on his own.
You could be the most empathetic person on Earth and that would still break your heart as you fought to figure out how to help him and not take it personally at the same time.
Thinking of all of this still brings tears to this day. What a truly traumatic experience for a baby so young.
As we celebrate our 5th Forever Day, I thank him.
I think back on the past 5 years and feel amazed and a great admiration for who he has become.
He made me get my sh-t together and parent up. I did a terrible job that first half a year and he hung with me as we figured it out together. He made me earn his trust and prove to myself that I could get over my own hangups. He demanded that vulnerability be a two way street as I was forced to let my guard down too, if I were to expect it from him.
I love our struggle. I love who we have become. I love who he will become independent of me.
He is strong.
He is resilient.
He made me a mother.
He is forever ours.
We are forever his.
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