Happy Birthday, Dad
Dear Dad,
As I'm sure you've observed, I am near your place of rest quite frequently. I like going to Super Target and Central Market and Nordstrom Rack on a Sunday after church. I drive right by most days, thinking of you, kind of giving a spiritual "what's up?" but I don't often stop.
What kind of daughter am I?
I'm still ashamed I led the decision to pick your eternal resting place under the ugliest, most sheddy tree in the cemetery. And you taught me so much about trees! I knew better.
I am hating work right now. It stands for everything evil and wrong by kids and has become so meaningless to me. And you know I still care...so much! That's why I'm so angry and say, "I don't care" at least 20 times a day AND I can hear myself spewing banal, verbal diarrhea to anyone who gets tricked into listening...
I know it's exhausting for V and my friends.
You used to get so upset on my behalf when I was overly dramatic (and overly verbose) about the "stuff" that I had to deal with in life (even though it probably sounded so stupid looking back). You never told me to not be upset or life goes on or "just wait until"...or anything else that I keep telling myself. You got really fired up with me in solidarity that you understood how much it sucked! And then assured me, I would figure it out. The end.
I always wondered if you were right, but now I know you were. I've learned that I will figure it out because I have for everything that has tried to throw me off my game to this point.
You were a good team leader.
I miss the team. You'd be proud my coping skills have improved and become slightly less infuriating.
Also, I've still managed to find the humor in the face of adversity (to me, anyway). It's the only way.
In happier news, Look at this kid...
He would have loved you so much. I've tried to explain you to him, but it's hard for a three-year-old to comprehend such abstract ideas.
I like to think about all the things you guys would have done together and how excited he would be on days he found out he would get to see you.
You could have taught him all the Boy Scout things he is going to miss out on because V will NOT be taking him to Boy Scouts and you know I can't tie a knot to save my life (or survive in the wilderness).
He's pretty great and on some days, remembering that it's my responsibility to raise a kind, resilient, loved boy is the only thing that keeps me a decent human being.
So on behalf of the team, Happy Birthday! We love and miss you dearly.
Maybe next time I drive by, I won't be such a jerk and I'll park and get out.
Who doesn't love to see a person talking to themselves in a graveyard?
Love, J
As I'm sure you've observed, I am near your place of rest quite frequently. I like going to Super Target and Central Market and Nordstrom Rack on a Sunday after church. I drive right by most days, thinking of you, kind of giving a spiritual "what's up?" but I don't often stop.
What kind of daughter am I?
I'm still ashamed I led the decision to pick your eternal resting place under the ugliest, most sheddy tree in the cemetery. And you taught me so much about trees! I knew better.
I am hating work right now. It stands for everything evil and wrong by kids and has become so meaningless to me. And you know I still care...so much! That's why I'm so angry and say, "I don't care" at least 20 times a day AND I can hear myself spewing banal, verbal diarrhea to anyone who gets tricked into listening...
I know it's exhausting for V and my friends.
You used to get so upset on my behalf when I was overly dramatic (and overly verbose) about the "stuff" that I had to deal with in life (even though it probably sounded so stupid looking back). You never told me to not be upset or life goes on or "just wait until"...or anything else that I keep telling myself. You got really fired up with me in solidarity that you understood how much it sucked! And then assured me, I would figure it out. The end.
I always wondered if you were right, but now I know you were. I've learned that I will figure it out because I have for everything that has tried to throw me off my game to this point.
You were a good team leader.
I miss the team. You'd be proud my coping skills have improved and become slightly less infuriating.
Also, I've still managed to find the humor in the face of adversity (to me, anyway). It's the only way.
In happier news, Look at this kid...
 |
| photo credit: Lynn (Lynn in Love) |
He would have loved you so much. I've tried to explain you to him, but it's hard for a three-year-old to comprehend such abstract ideas.
I like to think about all the things you guys would have done together and how excited he would be on days he found out he would get to see you.
You could have taught him all the Boy Scout things he is going to miss out on because V will NOT be taking him to Boy Scouts and you know I can't tie a knot to save my life (or survive in the wilderness).
He's pretty great and on some days, remembering that it's my responsibility to raise a kind, resilient, loved boy is the only thing that keeps me a decent human being.
So on behalf of the team, Happy Birthday! We love and miss you dearly.
Maybe next time I drive by, I won't be such a jerk and I'll park and get out.
Who doesn't love to see a person talking to themselves in a graveyard?
Love, J
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