jennifer patel

  I promise to never have bangs cut on the girls' skulls unless they choose them Do you remember when men used to carry a [separate] wallet full of pictures of their families? They could stand around the water cooler on breaks at work and show them to their coworkers. They could meet random strangers with their kids at stores and say, "Oh wow! I have a daughter who looks about the same age as yours." And then he could put a finger up (please, hold) as he dug his picture wallet out of his pocket and flipped to the picture for proof.  Remember?! Me neither. But after continuing to tackle random storage box clean outs, I found my dad's picture wallet. If he doesn't get a gold star for even distribution of pictures for all three kids, he should for having a picture of his in-laws!  I still have a lot of my dad's hobbies stored away in random places: maps, stamps, rocks. I keep trying to get rid of stuff, telling myself that these seemingly boring collections were ...

I've been having a lot of "these are my last babies" moments. Sprinkle those on top of exhaustion and it can feel really sad sometimes. baby clothes for a 12 month old. V's batman socks for scale.  Sometimes when the boys are at school, the girls and I will run errands. We always, inevitably, end up in girls clothing. It's impossible not to... Baby clothes are ridiculous. You hold them up and think, "how can this tiny pair of shorts fit anyone?!" Turns out, they fit a baby.  And they're just the cutest. I wish all of the girls' clothes came in my size and that it was appropriate and adorable for me to have fat rolls spill out from them...

I don't know my enneagram number.  Do you call it your number? Or would I say I don't know my enneagram? If I get into something, I want to do it right. I can't rely on random internet quizzes...what's the best source? Who invented enneagrams? I'm definitely not paying for anything. I want to know everything!  I checked out a book from the library about enneagrams. I did. True story. I wanted it all explained and for my number to be the most accurate number it could be.  I wanted to believe. But, I never read the book. Just like everything I think "I'm going to start..." it was returned and forgotten. This is not about enneagrams, but I feel like if I knew mine, it would help in this post...to set the stage...to illustrate my persona.  <insert shoulder shrug emoji>  Like most things though, this is about me.  How I am naturally introverted and deeply shy when meeting people for the first times. I don't always come off this way at first becaus...

photo credit: V. Patel Dear 2023, I did not eat black-eyed peas on New Year's Day. They're mushy and gross. I've always thought that, the many years I previously choked them down in the name of tradition and luck. The truth is, I've reached a point in my life where I'd rather be granted time over luck. I need more time. I need more time to snuggle my baby girls who are growing up at breakneck speed. I want to soak up all the moments, joyous and/or not, because they are my last babies. I'm holding on tight to those little hands and feet, burying my face in their baby soft hair, constantly kissing their big, fat cheeks and hugging them as hard as one can safely hug an infant, hoping all of it will magically make them stay small and innocent just a little longer. I want so many things for them in their life. I want strangers to stop asking if they're twins when we're out and they're dressed exactly the same...and look exactly the same.  I need more time...

  RIP Rhonda Shortly after I graduated high school, a classmate I was acquaintances with got into a car accident. The version of the story I heard was that after the fender bender, she decided she was sore, but otherwise fine and went home. Then she died the next day from undiagnosed internal bleeding. It shook me because we were so young and at the peak of feeling invincible. It seemed like such a freak incident. But yesterday, as the firemen and EMTs were loading me into the back of an ambulance to be checked out, that story was the only thing I could think about.  We had a very full Saturday. We went to look for peaches at the farmers market (not yet), shot some family pictures, and ended the evening celebrating Z's birthday with his cousins and grandparents. On our way home, I was driving and we were stopped at the front, at a red light not even a mile from where we started out. One minute, we were talking and suddenly, out of nowhere, it felt like there was an explosion. ...

As I continue to find endless places to dawdle on my walk out of the fog, I have learned many things. The internet is a field of rabbit holes when it comes to finding information, stories and support for adoptees. There are more resources than I could have ever imagined. Connecting with stories written and words spoken by adoptees is intoxicating. I haven't even scratched the surface. The adoptee community is vast and their voices are getting louder. Even though I'm still the girl trying to fit in with a group of acquaintances by standing awkwardly on the outside of the circle, nursing a drink that I don't really like and nodding and laughing like I know exactly what is happening, I'm slowly gaining the courage to one day, maybe, join the conversation...without crying...probably. Conditions have never seemed more favorable. Today is the inaugural, annual Adoptee Remembrance Day. Pamela Karanova, founder of Adoptees Connect  explains the purpose of this day as a reflecti...

I've shared this photo before. I used to see this picture as me, the really fat baby wearing some sort of weird vest. I've made fun of it countless times by comparing my size to my cousin's who is only one day older than me. I can't pinpoint the exact moment when I granted myself permission to finally wonder about my real Korean identity, instead of refiling the thoughts, but I can tell you where I found it...Facebook. There is a group of American Korean adoptees that formed a Facebook group where they chat about all things Korean adoptee. I found it by chance at the beginning of this year and have described it to my friends as the scene in Toy Story where Buzz Lightyear learns he is not a unique toy. He watches the commercial and sees there are thousands more just like him, waiting to be bought at the store. It was freeing...such a relief. I read the posts and, like when I read Nicole Chung's memoir, I was floored at the similar experiences we sh...

Originally started June 2019. It turns out you can stand at the threshold of a cracked door far longer than you might expect. As stated before, I am level expert at filing away unpleasant thoughts and old habits die hard, or not at all if you like the way things are. And I do. I have to credit the husband for being the first person to repeatedly challenge me on why I have never wanted to learn about my Korean identity. He is a first generation Indian and can switch effortlessly now between his Indian and American cultures. He can be proud of both identities. Of course he would wonder why I didn't want to learn about my Korean identity. He would send me articles or book recommendations written by other Korean adoptees. Each time, I kindly (and silently) dismissed them and kept on living my life. Before I returned to the next heritage camp with Alex, I prepared myself more thoroughly on what I might encounter and how I would handle it. No crying this time! (Yes I did and yes ...

Originally written February 2020 middle school? high school? does it even matter? #90s Like a majority of my peers, I took driver's ed the summer after I turned 15 to get my learner's permit. There was a boy from a nearby high school who had the same driving time as me. Sometimes we drove together in the same car, but more often we were told to drive to a common lunch spot by our driving coaches. His name was Ben...and he liked me. Ben was (is) Korean. Like, actually Korean. Like, his parents were (are) Korean and he was (is) his parents' child. At that point in my life I did not identify as Korean. I was surrounded by white all the time and physically looking Korean was a real inconvenience to my adolescent goals of blending in with the natives. There were many hours spent talking to Ben on the phone. He was a very kind soul. It makes perfect sense that when we finally got to the point where he wanted to go places and actually hang out instead of just talk...

pioneer woman's tortellini soup I worked my first church potluck soup dinner this past Friday. The different groups of the church take a Friday of Lent and this week was the garden group...which we have belonged to going on three years. I made The Pioneer Woman's tortellini soup and a peanut butter pie. I only have a few rules for making food for other people: 1) Is it easy with relatively few ingredients that can be found at a common grocery store? 2) Do the ingredients sound good? 3) Have I made it at least once, succeeded and enjoyed it? That's all it really takes. My kids like this tortellini soup, therefore it's gold in my book. When I got to the hall, they had long tables set up with power strips and extension cords. There were about 20 crock pots of soups lined up and ready to go. I was assigned to serve my own soup and was put next to a woman I knew from many Saturdays in the garden together. Let's call her Denise (as in " You were at m...

I am all about letting children believe in magical characters like Santa and the Easter Bunny. The one that I was excited about playing but turned out to be a real bummer, was the Tooth Fairy. There are so many obstacles the Tooth Fairy must overcome in order to do her job...light sleeping children, finding the tooth in the dark after your kid has thrown off every cover and pillow on his bed in violent sleep, having cash on hand, where to put collected teeth and really...remembering to do your job...especially when you cozy into bed and are about to fall into a well deserved slumber and right at the last second realize you forgot to get the fu-king tooth. Alex just recently lost tooth #6. I was over it with the Tooth Fairy business by tooth #3 and consciously decided to fall into slumber and figure it out in the morning for #6. Since Alex has been sleeping in like a champ over the break, I woke up and left a note on his white board before he came down for breakfast. He found ...

chloe bravely telling the bellas she had her nodes removed Like Chloe and her nodes, I made the courageous decision to break all ties with formal employment this summer. I didn't want to lose my identity and be JUST a stay at home mom because that sounded so lame and a waste of my many talents. But just like I didn't want to major in education in college because I was not going to be a teacher but ended up becoming a teacher anyway because it was inevitable and I ended up loving it...I also LOVE staying home with my gremlins and spending all the time doing all the things. (Except homework. Homework can *all the curse words* die.) And while I feel confident in my decision, I still find myself telling service people who come to our house during the day things like, "If you need me, I'll be in my office working. I have to log in and make it look like I've done something today! *very contrived laughter*..." Every time I say it, I turn, roll my eyes and won...

i don't know anything about this picture, but alex still has that look every now and again... This Forever Day is a tough one. When we were going through the adoption process and found out we would not get to meet Alex until he was over 18 months old, we thought in terms of years. 'Less than 2 years is not that much time' we would tell each other. We didn't know. We were (I was) desperate for a child and we just didn't understand how time functioned with a child. We didn't care. Now we have a baby who we have had since his birth. That baby is still 4 months shy of when we brought Alex home. Now we know how much we missed. We missed so much. I cannot imagine giving my baby away at this age to strangers, who would take him to the other side of the world. I know everything about him...what he likes, what he doesn't like, how to make him feel safe, how to make him laugh and I know that he loves me and he knows that I love him. I'm reminded of...

He was One. Everyone says it, but I can't believe a year has gone by. This past year has been about experiencing everything that I never allowed myself to dream when we were struggling to bring life into the world. It is so overwhelmingly powerful that I still pinch myself to make sure it's real. Happy Birthday, baby boy. We can't even remember the time before you were ours.* *Except that one time when you were yelling at a restaurant on a Sunday night, and I watched a young couple walk out together...probably to go home and watch Sunday night HBO on the couch with their pets...because they definitely got their work out in that morning...and then lazed around their Sunday funday planning their next vacation...and maybe reading...and I was staring so long at this beautiful couple, I dribbled food out of my mouth onto my clothes...but it doesn't matter because they were already dirty with spit and slobber...and baby food...and let's...

Growing up, our family took road trips for vacations. We drove to various state parks and camped, making excursions to places nearby. It was great, but as a result, I had never been to the happiest place on Earth, until this year! V was at a conference in Orlando this past April, so we decided to fly out and meet him toward the end and take a family trip to Disney World. We decided to do this and start making arrangements approximately 10 days before the trip. As I casually went on Pinterest to find a good list of things to bring to the park, I learned that people start planning their Disney trips months (like, a year) in advance. Apparently, you can book your fast pass rides and park restaurant reservations 60 days prior to your trip. And you can hire a Disney planner to book said rides and restaurants and take care of everything else for you. People have published  books with the secret ins and outs of the parks. I began to sweat and waver on our decision, thinking we wo...