NIAW 2017

It's been 84 years, and I can still smell the fresh paint. The china had never been used. The sheets had never been slept in. Titanic was...

Wait, sorry. Wrong post.

It's National Infertility Awareness Week, 2017.

I have spent over 2 years drafting about a dozen posts that started out as just for me. Well, actually V and me. No Fifty Shades of anything...not even close. Don't worry.
I guess if I had been courageous enough, I would have posted them as they happened because as you read them you must realize they were written in the present time they happened and the emotion is real for that point in time. That is how I deal with most things...I want to write them down. Always have. I still have my journal from high school/college.

But I didn't post them.

I needed to deal with that realm of my life and approach some kind of closure before sharing. It's hard to deal with something emotional, publicly (said the celebrities I read about in my trash magazines).

I was going to one day, delete them, but on re-reading, I didn't want to. (Can I get a grammar ruling on all those commas?) It really captures this epic journey we've been enduring and I hope sharing might bring someone going through similar things some level of comfort...some level of feeling understood.
As I re-read, I saw myself go from wrapping myself in a cloud of optimism and denial to sitting in my despair and everything in between. There are detours to crazytown and parts that make no sense, really. Even now.

We have journeyed many years with the goal of me being pregnant. I share these now as we have come full circle. I am just as not pregnant as I was at the beginning, but I am definitely not the same person.

So here they are, originally titled and with "originally written" dates at the top.

*4/25/17

It was brought to my attention by my trusty editor, Ennis, that these post in backwards order from the main page of Blogger and that it might be hard to navigate. Look, Ennis, I cannot be expected to be an adopted minority, infertile AND some kind of tech support/Blog arranger.

Table of Contents linked as copied from FB

1.) You're there.

2.)The time before all the Duggar children had even more children

3.) That time I lied about doing Crossfit

4.) When I felt like a sea turtle about to lay eggs

5.) I feel like I was hyped up on Meth while writing this one. It has a real manic feel to it

6.) This was a good day

7.) This was not a great time

8.) My ass-backwards coping skill set

9.) NIAW, 2015. Sensing a twinge of anger

10.) That time I acted like a drug addict

11.) The beginning of my spiral into crazytown